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House of Mercy

by Joan Kelsey

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1.
Took the 85 to Lansingburgh. No reason, just watched the local birds. It’s okay to let the ghost be heard! Does the word fall flat against the sound? Shapeless meaning rushing to be found. It’s okay to let the Spirit run! (I know the only justice in my demands is my forgetfulness. I want you to destroy it, make me a mirror, fill me with emptiness. I came here to unburden my animal mind of all it’s selfishness. I want to live with pleasure, sing and be simple, leave here without a trace.)
2.
Horses 03:32 video
Walking up the trail that winds the hillside and finds the top of the abandoned lead mine, the stony bluff that overlooks the distant flats, you looked real tough under your giftshop cowboy hat. Aren’t you tired of chasing horses? Haven’t seen one in a while. Catch the door before it closes, and you can save your crooked smile. Giving it up: I don’t want to drink with you no more. I’ve had enough of talking on the kitchen floor. In Colorado you had a chance to get out clean. It’s hard to swallow that you’d prefer the fever dream. Aren’t you tired of chasing horses? Haven’t seen one in a while. Catch the door before it closes, and you can save your crooked smile. Cover it up: the thought you had the night before, the empty cup, the path across the bedroom floor. There’s a reminder that swells and drags the street outside: You could be kinder, you have a chance to change your mind. Aren’t you tired of chasing horses? Haven’t seen one in a while. Catch the door before it closes, and you can save your crooked smile.
3.
Joey & Jane 04:02
The horse ran past the barn, and I grabbed the dog before he got run down. I couldn’t wait to tell you, “Hey man, did you see that?” Would you cut it out? You don’t need to act that way. I should go, I didn’t know about her. How long does she have? I still know her name, it was Jane. Remember when we spilled the iced tea? She chased us out into the woods. We hid for years like bandits then finally turned ourselves in. A thousand years of moss grew thick in that place. We took a running jump and fell in, then jumped again and again and again. You are still my friend, I think of you, Joey.
4.
Leaves of Grass in the kitchen, the snow moves on the lawn. I feed your cat and sit in all week while you are gone. Another night, another storm, I write another song. And feel at home in loneliness a thousand miles long.
5.
Heaven’s light, hanging all around this room, burn my life, show me something I can do. Heaven’s cloud, hovering above my room, come on down, I am not afraid of you. Jesus Christ, I am not afraid of you, lend your light, show me something I can do.
6.
All My Life 02:53
Talking a walk in my own part of town. It’s good to be out and about! Reading the chalk while I’m covering ground and trying to get it all down. If you decide to go out on your own, it’s alright. Been alone in the loveliest ways all my life. Talk of the town, yeah, it’s getting around. Ain’t no way to quiet them down. Running their mouths just to add to the sound. Well, they won’t be seeing me around. If you decide to go out on your own, it’s alright. Been alone in the loveliest ways all my life.
7.
With a letter on your jacket and a flower in your hand, with the justice of a child and the anger of a man, you were staring out the window, you were talking through your hand, you said I don’t think I’ll forgive you but I’ll always be your friend. I was gone for half an hour when the afterglow began. I won’t say I was happy and I won’t say that I ran. I was empty of beginnings, there was nothing at the end, and I don’t need to talk about it if you say you understand. We gracelessly proceeded through our January plans, and finally conceded to impossible demands. You were blowing through your anger like the wind across a page, and I was keeping up the habit, pulling my ten dollar wage. Jesus was a savior with a criminal’s intent. It’s not hard to imagine when you have to pay the rent. But it’s not real believing if your eyes are open wide, and I was staring at the ceiling hoping God was on my side. And you were staring out the window, you were talking through your hand, you said I don’t think I’ll forgive you but I’ll always be your friend.
8.
Color Field 04:58
Not afraid at all, I drew the star on his bedroom wall. He lit the candle and then said, “It’s time to welcome the dead.” Pin his shoulders down but don’t let the skull crack against the ground. (This was earlier that day, just seemed important to say.) Paint the color field, dark as a doorway, dull as a field, blue as the moment when you said, “I should be getting to bed.” Roll the window down, pass through the light that we gathered round. Dumb in the driveway of your place, I’ll see you one of these days. (Not another sound. Let the word move you from underground. Follow the longing to replay down to what you have to say.) Lifted ten feet high, gripped in the terrible specter’s eye. Took him a moment to drop down. Head made a crack on the ground.
9.
It isn’t so bad in the end. An old and broken heart in the ribcage of a child is trouble from the start, is meek but never mild. But it isn’t so bad in the end. No, it isn’t so bad in the end. Tie me up in my princess gown, Mother, tie your daughter down. A morbid indoor child, a sour milky white. Got a whole second sight but no quality of life. But it isn’t so bad in the end. No, it isn’t so bad in the end. Tie me up in my princess gown, Mother, tie your daughter down.
10.
Want to go outside, watch the water rise, see it perch and dive, catch the last of the light. But I took a minute too long. Want to speak my mind, gotta close my eyes, let the picture rise, tell you what I find. But I took a minute too long.

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top of head, bottom of heart :')

credits

released November 6, 2020

Joan Kelsey: songs, vocals, guitars, piano, Casio, violin, auxiliary percussion
Rick Spataro: production, recording, drums, bass, guitars, Wurlitzer, Moog, mandolin, auxiliary percussion
Josh Marré: guitars on "Horses"
Hamilton Craig wrote “Tie Yr Daughter Down”
Mastered by Aria Mastering
Cover Photo by Joan Kelsey
Layout and Design by Jon Samuels

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Joan Kelsey Seattle, Washington

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